To celebrate sending The Forgotten Ones to my editor for proofreading this weekend, I'd like to share the first chapter for you all to see! I've shared it with a few people, in bits and pieces, but this is it in it's entirety!
This is my own work, please don't steal it. Do I really have to say that?
Chapter
1
I rounded the corner of our farmers’ porch, and caught a
glimpse of my mother staring out the den window. She held her violin
loosely under her chin and the bow dangled from her fingertips. Her
jaw was slack. Her eyes locked on something in the trees beyond me. I
froze. I knew that haunted expression.
I swallowed as her eyes
shifted to me. The violin fell from her chin and I could see the
trembling in her bottom lip. I
should have been used to her haunted expression when she saw me
during an episode.
But
I wasn’t.
I
flew into the house as fast as my feet would carry me. The screen
door crashed behind me as I came to a halt outside the den. My mother
clutched fistfuls of her blonde hair, garbled words spilling from her
lips.
“I
have to. I have to go out there,” she said. “He’s waiting for
me.”
The
lights were off and the only other sound was the hum of the ceiling
fan. I squeezed the door jamb as I watched my grandmother approach
her. She placed her hands on my mother’s shoulders. On contact, my
mother’s body stopped quaking. Gram crooned, rocking her back and
forth as she pulled her into her arms.
Gram
led Mom away from the window. My stomach tightened, and I backed away
to leave them alone.
My mother had just
started to calm down when the floor under me creaked. She jerked her
head in my direction. Her eyes widened and she began shaking again
when she saw me. Breaking away from my grandmother, she stumbled back
toward the window.
She raked her fingers down her face and
hair as she moaned, “Liam.” Tears streamed down her cheeks,
causing thick strands of hair to stick to her face.
I entered
the room slowly, desperate not to step on another squeaky floorboard.
Her green eyes burned into mine, but I would not look away. No matter
how many times she fought my attempts to soothe her, I had to keep
trying.
I reached for her shoulders.
“Mom.”
She
flinched. I knew she recognized me. I’d never met my father, but
under my mattress I hid the only scrap I could find with his image.
The picture, a strip of them really, was taken before I was born in a
photo booth in Ireland. My gut told me that when she was like this,
she saw my father in me.
She resumed writhing
and clawing at my hands. Gurgling sounds came from somewhere deep in
her throat, but I knew she was still saying my father's name.
I
placed my hands gently over hers, my gaze steady, as though
approaching a wounded animal. I took deep, soothing breaths the way
Gram had shown me.
I could feel the
weight of Gram's stare, watching for my mother’s reaction. I had to
prove that I could do this. To Gram and to myself.
“Shh,
you’re okay,” I repeated over and over, until her breathing
became even, more normal. “You’re okay.”
It felt like
hours, but at last the tension in her fingers loosened as she stopped
trying to resist me.
My
grandmother walked slowly out of the room. I continued to make
shushing sounds until the panic in my mother's eyes faded.
I
exhaled and led her to sit on the couch. The same woman who had just
been in the throes of a schizophrenic episode was now completely
unresponsive.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Gram
standing just outside the doorway. I released my mother's hands and
got up to follow Gram down the hallway to the kitchen. She smelled
like oranges and cloves – familiar and comforting.
I opened
the refrigerator to find a bottle of water and slouched down at the
kitchen table.
“You
did good, Allie-girl,” Gram said, leaning back against the counter
and wiping the back of her hand across her eyes.
I tried to
smile as I unscrewed the cap of my water bottle. Inside I was
struggling with the gratification of being able to bring my mother
down from her episode, sideswiped with the usual pang of guilt for
being the one who caused her condition in the first place. Before I
was born, she’d been a bright, happy college student. I blamed
myself for her spiral into schizophrenia, whether it was rational or
not.
My
parents met during my mother’s final year of college. She had
traveled to Ireland for her last semester to study music at Trinity
College in Dublin. She came back heartbroken and pregnant. She’d
never been the same since.
“Have you eaten, honey?” Gram
asked, nailing me in place with her eyes.
I flipped the bottle
cap in my fingers. “No, but I'm fine.”
“Oh, no you
don't. We had a nice steak for supper, cooked just the way you like.
You'll have some, won't you?”
I had to laugh, because with
Gram there was no choice. I sat down at the table while she whirled
around the kitchen with the force of a tornado. In minutes I had a
steak dinner complete with steaming mashed potatoes and green beans
in front of me.
“You spoil me, you know,” I said between
bites. “I'm never going to be able to take care of myself if you
keep this up.”
Gram smiled at me. “You'll have plenty of
time to take care of yourself. Let me spoil you while I still
can.”
I swallowed down the guilt, knowing she didn't see
raising me for the past almost twenty-two years as a burden. But, I
couldn't help the feeling.
As I ate, my mother walked into the
kitchen. She sat quietly down at the table without looking at either
of us.
“Hi, Mom.” I spoke as softly as I could, so I
didn't alarm her.
“Hello.” She spoke in barely more than a
whisper, chewing on her fingernail and staring absently out the
window. Even with her hair framing her face in knots, my mother
looked lovely. Her eyes were sage green and her skin was flawless.
She didn't look a day over thirty.
“That was a beautiful
tune you played earlier, Beth.” Gram said as she took my mother's
hands in her own. “I could practically smell the Irish sea.”
“Mm
hmm,” my mother answered, mostly detached, but a tiny smile lifted
the corner of her mouth. I could only hope that she would smile like
that for me one day.
My cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I
opened it to find a message from my cousin, Nicole.
I
need ice cream tonight
I
laughed as I put my phone back into my pocket. I’d worked all
afternoon at my grandfather’s hardware store. But it was Friday
night – I should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to just relax
with a good book. Nicole was one year younger than me and we were as
close as sisters, but our ideas of a perfect Friday night were very
different.
I
glanced out the window to Nicole’s driveway. When I’d gotten
home, it had been full of the cars of her friends. I was grateful to
only see her little Jetta. Hanging out with Nicole I could handle.
Her
friends were a different story. Especially when that included Ethan
Magliaro.
****
We
chose a table on the patio. Nicole and I sat down with two of the
biggest sundaes on the menu at DeeDee's. I normally tried to eat
healthy, but I couldn't help myself when it came to ice cream.
The
sun was hanging low in the evening sky, and the heat from earlier had
settled into a pleasant warmth on my skin. The last fingers of golden
light caused the pink and blue umbrellas to cast a glow across
Nicole's pale blonde hair. She licked a puff of whipped cream off her
spoon and eyed me, considering.
“What?” I said around a
mouth full of ice cream.
“We're going to the beach
tomorrow,” she said before taking her own bite.
“Have
fun,” I mumbled, still eating.
She wiped her lips with a
napkin and narrowed her eyes at me. “You're coming.”
I
opened my mouth to argue, but she held a slender finger up at me and
pursed her lips.
“It’s the first Saturday you’ve had off
in months. School’s over, at least for the summer. You're
coming.”
I sighed and looked up at the pattern of our
umbrella. “You really know how to ruin a perfectly good
sundae.”
She shot daggers at me. “We'll have a great time,
Al.” Her expression changed and she seemed to change tactics. Her
green eyes widened and her lip stuck out just the tiniest
bit.
Cranky Nicole was a challenge, but pouting Nicole was
impossible.
“Fine, we're going to the beach.” I looked at
my sundae, which had made me so happy a minute earlier and a thought
came to me. She hadn’t said anyone else was coming, but Nicole and
her boyfriend Jeff were practically inseparable. “Who's
going?”
Nicole grinned, smelling her victory. “The usual:
Jeff, Rachel, Sean and,” her eyebrows shot up. “...Ethan.”
I
nodded, trying to keep the stupid smile off my face. I hated the way
my pulse spiked at just the mention of his name. Handsome,
cocky Ethan. His smile had the power to break down every one of my
defenses. But, I didn’t have space in my life for that. I had a
plan – to focus on taking care of my mom. My grandparents had done
it by themselves for long enough.
Knowing
Nicole, she probably planned the trip to the beach and told everyone
I was going before she even asked me. Just as that thought came to
me, Jeff sneaked up behind Nicole. He held his
finger to his lips and planted a kiss on Nicole's cheek.
She
jumped and smacked him, but smiled when she realized who it
was.
“Hey, babe.” Jeff took the seat next to her and
looked over at me. “Hey Al.”
The chair next to mine
scraped the patio and it was my turn to jump. Ethan dropped into the
seat and grinned at me, his dimples out in full force. I concentrated
on my sundae.
“Hey,” he said, nodding at me. A brown curl
slipped down his forehead, adding to his annoying charm.
“Hi,”
I muttered and shoved a glob of half-melted ice cream in my mouth,
hoping to avoid conversation.
Ethan was easily the
best-looking guy in Stoneville. Tall, olive-skinned with dark, messy
curls. He was also the biggest player in town. He knew the effect he
had on girls, and he used it.
“So, we're all set for the
beach tomorrow,” Nicole told them. She sounded a little too smug,
and I rolled my eyes.
“Something in your eye, Allison?”
Ethan was still amused at my attempt at indifference.
I
clenched my jaw and almost rolled my eyes again. “That must be it,
Ethan.”
“Oh, come on. I know how bad you want to see me
with my shirt off.”
I didn't think that warranted a
response, but I never could keep my mouth shut when Ethan provoked
me. “The entire female population of this
town has seen you without a shirt on. Not
that exciting.”
A slow smile spread across his face.
He saw through me. I really needed to work on my sarcasm.
He
turned back to Nicole and Jeff who were debating whether to head
northeast to Hampton Beach or southeast to Horseneck Beach.
Nicole's
petite nose was scrunched up.“Hampton is full of screaming kids.
Horseneck is better.”
“What do you think, Ethan?” Jeff
asked.
Ethan stretched, raising his arms over his head so that
his sleeves fell and showed off his toned arms. His eyes darted to me
before answering. “The girls wear skimpier bikinis at Hampton.”
A
gagging sound escaped my mouth before I could stop it.
Ethan
grinned, obviously delighted to get another rise out of me. “I'll
go wherever Al wants to go. I don't want her to have any reasons to
bail on us.”
He would twist anything I said, so this
time I managed to stay quiet. Nicole met my eyes and I
nodded.
“Horseneck it is.”
****
Nicole
left with Ethan and Jeff, all three of them excited about the band
playing tonight at The Bean Counter. Ethan had made an impressive
effort to convince me to come along. Going to the packed coffee house
sounded horrible to me, and I was glad that I had my own car and
could use the need of getting food for the beach as a way of opting
out.
“I'll be over at seven thirty sharp!” Nicole hollered
from Jeff's jeep as he pulled away.
****
I
chuckled as I drove home from the grocery store, knowing that I would
be up and ready at seven thirty, but doubting she would. All of our
lives I'd had to drag her, kicking and screaming, out the door to get
her to school on time.
When I got home I grabbed my bags and
headed up the stairs of the front porch. Twigs snapping in the woods
broke through the quiet night. As I looked around to see what might
have made the noise, a shiver ran down my spine. The yard was dark,
and the porch light didn't reach more than five feet off the steps.
I
shook my head, irritated by my paranoia, and walked through the front
door.
Gram
sat on the couch with a crossword book on her lap. My mother was
watching a game show on TV. Pop was slouched in his chair, eyes
closed under his half-moon glasses which had slid down low on his
nose.
I smiled at them as I dropped my keys on the
sideboard.
At that moment, it wasn't hard to believe that my
mother was the happy, normal girl everyone claimed she was before I
was born. The glow from the lamp lightened her partially damp hair. A
stranger would think she was not much older than me. Even staring at
the TV with her mouth slightly open, she was incredibly
beautiful.
“What time will you be heading to the beach
tomorrow?” Gram asked.
“Nicole says she'll be here at
seven thirty. ” I sighed, pulling a cooler out of the closet. “What
do you think the odds are of that happening?”
“No comment,
Allie-girl,” Gram replied with a twinkle in her
eye.
****
Sunlight assaulted my eyelids, and I pulled
the blanket up over my head with a groan. I'd been dreaming of
cloudy, rain-soaked skies. Judging from the intensity of the sun, I
didn't see any ominous thunderstorms getting me out of going to the
beach today. It was only six o'clock so I climbed out of bed, threw
on shorts and a tank top and headed out for a run.
When I
walked back in the house, my mother was sitting on the couch watching
TV. Pop sat at the table reading the Saturday paper. I didn't see
Gram anywhere, she was probably out watering her garden before it got
too hot.
“Good
morning, Allison,” Pop said, folding down the corner of his
paper.
“Mornin' Pop.”
The
smell of fresh coffee drew me into the kitchen where my favorite mug
already sat on the counter waiting for me.
“I
hear you kids are heading out to the beach today,” Pop said, his
face hidden behind the newspaper again. My mother glanced over at
him, but quickly looked back to the talk show she was
watching.
“That's right, can't wait,” I dropped down on
the couch with my coffee.
Pop
folded down the corner of his paper again, peering at me over his
reading glasses. “It's okay to have some fun once in a while,
Al.”
I snorted in response – going to the beach with
Nicole and her friends didn't really count as fun in my book. Other
than Nicole, I didn't feel comfortable around anyone my own age. I'd
rather just be alone or sit in the backyard with a book while Gram
worked in her garden.
“When
Beth was a girl, she and Joanne went to the beach just about every
weekend during the summer.” Joanne was my mother's best friend
growing up. She stopped by to visit at least once a week. She was
also Jeff and Ethan's mother.
I raised my eyebrow. “Are you
trying to tell me something, Pop?” I asked with a smirk.
“Nah,
sweetheart. Just thinking life is too short, you know? I wouldn't
want you to miss out on your share of fun before life gets in the
way.”
“You know my idea of fun isn't like everybody else.
I'm perfectly happy with a good book and a bowl of Double Fudge ice
cream.” I grinned widely, trying to show my sincerity.
“Sure
isn't that you're not pretty enough. Those eyes of yours are about
the bluest I've ever seen. I think all the boys around here are just
scared off by your sharp tongue.”
“Think so?” I couldn't
help laughing as I stood up and went upstairs to change into my
bathing suit.
Back downstairs, I glanced at my watch. It was
seven forty-five. If Nicole didn't show up by eight, I'd go back to
bed.
No sooner than those thoughts passed through my mind, the
screen door slammed. Nicole burst in wearing a hot-pink terry
coverall and flip-flops. Her shoulder-length blonde hair was pulled
up in a high ponytail.
“We're burning daylight here, Al.
Let's go!”
“Good morning to you, too. You're practically
on time,” I teased.
“It'll be a good morning if you have
some coffee left. Mom and Dad aren't even up yet.” She whipped open
the cabinet and pulled down a mug.
I chuckled. “When was the
last time you were up at this hour? I haven't seen you leave the
house before nine thirty since high school.” Nicole was a
hairdresser and the salon she worked at opened at ten
o'clock.
Nicole ignored me and took a long drink of her
coffee. “Whatcha watching Aunt Beth?”
“My shows,” my
mother answered quietly.
“Grab the cooler, Nic. I'm going to
grab the umbrella and we're outta here.” I kissed Pop on the cheek
and walked over to kiss my mother on the head. She didn't move, and I
gave her a tiny smile before heading out.
When the trunk was
packed, I slammed it shut just as Nicole's friend Rachel pulled into
the driveway in her tiny red coupe. She was dressed just like Nicole,
only in a turquoise coverall. Her curly dark hair was twisted up in
an artfully messy bun.
“Hey, girly,” she greeted Nicole,
not even looking at me. She raised a perfectly shaped brow at Nicole
as she held up her beach tote.
“You'll drive, right
Allison?” Rachel said airily as she tossed her bag into my
backseat.
“You
bet!” I said through clenched teeth.
Jeff
pulled his Jeep in behind Rachel's car. Her attention was quickly
diverted to sticking her chest out for maximum cleavage exposure to
the three guys in the Jeep.
Nicole glanced at me with a silly
grin, “We're gonna have an awesome day, don't be a
grouch!”
****
I inhaled the salty ocean air, and the
lingering scent of suntan lotion filled my nose. The sun was searing
my legs and I decided it was time for a break. My skin burned easily
and although I had sunscreen on, they were already looking a little
pink. I put my bookmark between the pages and attempted to brush some
of the sand off of my legs as I stood. I lifted my arms and stretched
before retreating to the chair under my umbrella.
Down at the
water, I could see Rachel with her arms wrapped around her middle,
the wind whipping strands of dark hair into her face. She kept
jumping and shrieking when Sean or Ethan stumbled on their boogie
boards and splashed her. Ethan caught my gaze and motioned for me to
come in. I laughed and shook my head.
As I took off my
sunglasses, the sound of the gulls was broken up by a loud cawing. I
looked over at the spot next to us where some kids were building a
sand castle. There was a crow standing a few feet away, watching me.
I'd never seen a crow at the beach before. There was probably a
beached seal nearby.
I
started to open my book up, but the hairs along the back of my neck
stood up. A funny feeling came over me, like I was being watched. I
glanced around, and locked eyes with the crow again.
Something
about its beady eyes bothered me and I turned away quickly.
On
my other side, Nicole buried Jeff in the sand. All that was visible
was his spiky brown hair and his Red Sox visor.
"Just
stay still for one more second, Jeff. I've got to get a picture,"
Nicole begged as she grabbed her camera from the blanket by my
feet.
She clicked a few times before the sand started to crack
and crumble around him.
"That's it, let me out of here!"
Jeff shouted. The sand broke apart around him and he jumped up.
Nicole yelped in surprise as he took off chasing her down to the
water.
"Come swim with us Al!" Nicole yelled over
her shoulder as she ran.
I shook my head with a smile. "I
don't think so," I called out before reopening my book.
A
few minutes later, I heard a quiet thud as Ethan dropped down to his
knees on the blanket by my feet. He dug around the cooler and pulled
out a soda.
"Aren't you having fun?" he asked
breathlessly between gulps.
"As a matter of fact, I am,"
I replied, gesturing to the umbrella and my book.
"Yeah?
Whatcha reading?"
I felt a blush rise on my cheeks as I
held the book out for him to see. I was reading Gone
With The Wind.
Ethan started
laughing, nearly choking on his soda. "I imagined you up here
reading The Guide to Modern Physics.
I would've never guessed you were reading a romance novel!" He
stretched himself out on the blanket and closed his eyes, his lips
curved up in that mocking little smile.
I looked down at him.
His dark hair was slicked back with water, and he was perfectly
tanned. I couldn't help noticing that his lashes were a thick and
dark fringe. He was gorgeous. I forced myself to look away.
When
I glanced back down, Rachel had sneaked up onto the blanket and
gestured with her finger to her lips. She flopped down onto her
stomach and began running a piece of ice that had fallen out of the
cooler along Ethan's chest, causing him to shout in
surprise.
"You're going down!" he yelled before
scooping Rachel up over his shoulder and running down to toss her
screaming into the ocean.
I
looked down to the water, wondering how Sean felt about Rachel
flirting with Ethan. They had one of those on-again-off-again
relationships that made no sense to me.
When it was time to
leave, I walked up the old wooden steps to the parking lot with my
arms full of beach gear. The others were lagging behind, but I could
still hear the sound of their laughter and teasing.
“If
you're going with Jeff, I am too,” I heard Rachel say to Nicole in
her nasally voice.
“Sweet! Shotgun in Al's car,” Ethan
yelled. Rachel would be disappointed that she didn't get a chance to
cozy up to him in the backseat.
“Damn man, I was just going
to say that!” Sean said before I heard a thump. I could only
imagine from Ethan's grunt that Sean had whacked him upside the head.
I laughed to myself that both guys were so desperate to stay away
from Rachel.
I opened the hatch and started loading it when
Ethan gently pushed me aside.
“I got this,” he said,
winking at me as he hefted the cooler in.
“Yeah, I wouldn't
want to break a nail,” I muttered, placing my bag in the
back.
Ethan just laughed and shook his head.
“Meet us
at Nic's!” Jeff shouted out his window before tearing out of the
parking lot.
I started the car as Ethan and Sean piled in. As
usual, Sean reached up front and ruffled my hair before settling in
his seat. He grew up in the house next door to Nicole, and he'd
always been nice to me, even if his sometimes girlfriend was a
jerk.
“You coming over tonight?” Ethan asked as he flipped
through the CD's in my case.
“Me?” I stuttered, and tried
to swallow down my nerves. “Are you kidding? My bed is calling my
name early tonight,” I replied, trying to keep an aloof
tone.
Ethan shook his head, smirking down at the CDs . “We're
just going to be watching a movie.”
“Didn't your mother
teach you not to beg, dude?” Sean asked, teasing. “You probably
have a hot date, right Allie-O?” He shook my shoulder lightly. I
smiled at his use of that old nickname from the days we used to play
hide-and-seek in our neighborhood.
“Yeah, a hot date with
Rhett Butler,” Ethan said. I kept my eyes on the road, but I
couldn't help the smile that played on my lips.
“Poor
Ethan,” Sean said. “I think Rachel wants to snuggle with you
tonight, pal.” He was laughing, but I could hear the edge in his
voice. The idea of Rachel and Ethan together made my chest squeeze,
too.
Ethan
chuckled. “No thanks, Rachel is all
yours. She's not my type.”
“What? Since when do you
have a type?” Sean asked, the tension lifting.
“I'm
twenty-three years old, man. Time to start thinking of the
future.”
I nearly snorted soda out of my nose, until he
slung his arm around the back of my chair. Then it was all I could do
to keep the car on the road.
He had to know the way he
affected me, how he got under my skin. Four years ago, in one of my
weaker moments, I'd fallen for his charm. I couldn't let that happen
again. But, the memory of that kiss still left me breathless.
I
pulled my car into the driveway, thanking the universe for getting me
through the trip without too much trouble.
The guys grabbed
the umbrella and cooler to carry into the house. I shut the trunk and
was about to scoop my bag and chair up when a raucous of caws and
screeches broke out in the woods.
Startled, I grabbed my
things and walked toward the house. I watched the treeline where a
handful of large black birds were swooping up and down in the side
yard, knocking leaves and small branches all over the place.
I
had almost reached the porch steps when I walked right into Ethan,
who was squinting at the scene the birds were making. I stumbled
back, nearly falling. He grabbed my elbow and steadied me, sending
electricity shooting through my body.
I yanked my arm back, as
if he'd burned me. He held his hands up, palms facing
forward.
“Easy. You all right?” He laughed, and I felt my
cheeks flare.
I pushed past him, embarrassed that I'd
practically fallen over backwards and annoyed that he had laughed at
me.
“Allison.”
I stopped with my hand on the screen
door. I didn't know why I was overreacting like this, and it made me
even more flustered.
I heard his footsteps as he climbed onto
the porch behind me. My hand dropped from the door, and I turned
around.
Ethan looked at me, his warm brown eyes searching
mine. “Don't be mad.”
I took a deep breath and looked
away.
“I'm not mad,” I said. “I was just sort of freaked
out by the birds.”
I looked at the spot they'd been tearing
up just seconds ago. They were nowhere to be found.
He opened
his mouth to speak just as Sean appeared at the screen door. I stood
aside to let him out and internally thanked him for saving me from
the awkward moment.
“You sure you can't come over?” Ethan
asked, his usual wry expression back in place.
Sean just
snorted and gave my shoulder a squeeze as he walked by. “Later,
Allie O.”
I shook my head at Ethan, “I'm sure, but thanks
for the help carrying this stuff.”
He grinned and followed
after Sean to Nicole's house. “Have fun with Rhett tonight.”
“Did
you have a good time today, honey?” Gram said as she pushed the
door open and held it for me.
Tearing
my gaze away from Ethan, I made myself smile. “Yeah, it was
okay.”
****
I brought the bag up to my room, and
headed back out to my car. Once I confirmed that there was nobody
around, I made my way to the spot where the birds had been. I
expected to see a raccoon or opossum lying dead in the woods. But,
other than scattered leaves and twigs, there was no sign that the
birds had even been there.
The entire backyard was clear, not
even a squirrel in sight. I walked all the way around the tree line
until I was satisfied that I was just worrying over nothing.
I
rubbed my hands over my face. Of course nothing was out here. I
couldn't help wondering if this was how it had started for my mother.
Paranoid over every little sound.
I walked past the fence next
to Nicole's yard, and froze when I heard a hushed conversation on the
other side.
“Obviously he wants to get with Allison because
she's like, no-man's land.
Once he gets in her pants, he'll lose interest.” Rachel said my
name like it was acid on her tongue.
“Give me a break,
Rach.” Nicole replied, and I could just imagine her dramatic eye
roll.
“What? Isn't she still like, a virgin or something?”
Rachel said, snickering. “She's probably a lesbian anyway.”
“I
think you need to back off my cousin, okay?”
I realized what
I was doing, and hurried inside. I did not want to hear any more of
that conversation. I decided I would take a quick shower and read for
awhile.
My mother was perched in her usual spot on the couch,
with Gram and Pop in their seats. The television was on, but when I
glanced at my mother, I noticed she wasn't watching it. She was
looking out the window. Her expression was blank, but a tear trickled
down her cheek.
****
My
mother is walking through an endless stretch of green forest. There
is a man by her side, with big blue eyes and wavy caramel hair. She
beams up at him. He has his hand on her back, steadying her as she
steps over fallen branches and stones. His eyes are constantly
moving. He seems restless.
From
nowhere black birds surround them. One swoops down on my mother. Red
eyes glare at her as it drags its talons across her chest. As quickly
as it came, it flies off with the rest. Her shirt is torn and
streaked with blood. The man's eyes are wild, searching the forest.
He is yelling words I don't understand as he pulls my mother toward
him.
I woke up panting,
covered in sweat. It was just another dream.
Muffled sobs
came from my mother's bedroom across the hall.
I climbed out
of my bed and hurried to my mother's room. The first thing I noticed
was that she wasn't in her bed. My chest seized, but when I spun
around I saw her in her window seat, staring out at the
woods.
“Mom,” I whispered, but she wouldn't look at
me.
“Mom, please look at me,” I tried again, sitting down
on the seat beside her. She turned to face me then. Tears lined her
cheeks like silver rivers down her moonlit face.
“Allison,”
she murmured. I shivered at the clarity in her voice. I hadn't heard
her say my name since I was six years old.
“It's
okay, Mom.” I wiped her tears away with a tissue from the
nightstand. Her eyes shone bright and burned holes into mine.
“You
look... so much like him.” She didn't have to say who she meant, I
knew she meant my father.
“I'm sorry if that hurts you,” I
said, trying to hang on to the moment of lucidity.
“No,”
she whispered, staring back into my eyes. “Your father was
beautiful, just like you.”
“Did he hurt you?” I
immediately regretted my words – I knew how easy it was to push her
over the over the edge.
My mother shuddered, and just like
that, she was gone. Her eyes glazed over, completely void of any
recognition. She turned her head slowly and stared back out at the
woods.
”
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